So school and work is out which gives me alot of time to feel pressure about coming up with a bullet proof plan for summer but that's not what's happening.Instead all that I've been doing is avoiding the dark cloud of depression that keeps bumping around my noggin and i bought a bunch of cheep books to calm me down.I've been feeling really jumpy all this week and so I did what all other losers do and post it on my blog or platform for misery and whining and bitching which is exactly why i started this junk in the first place. That and occationally post stuff people like this is not one of them. Sometimes I hate the pressure of living here but mostly i really love it and definatley decided along time ago that I'm never moving back to Florida. The pressure is always job related and now that I'm on "vacation" of course I can never relax because my brain goes into overdrive and I can't stop it and I become depressed. The transformation from regular to California laid back and no worries kinda sit back and relax dude is impossible for me. i still don't feel like i fit in with that environment! I'm very keyed up and high strung and feel more comfortable complaining and ranting against the culture I can't submit to it and the thing I am fighting is always myself so what the fuck am I supposeded to do but write it down. I had a diary in high school like this and it's so embarassing that every season around this time I'm always in a bad mood and hate everything. If i don't go anywhere usually being on vacation turns me into a jerk. The weirdest thing about it is if i go on myspace and look at my blog every time this year or when I have nothing going on it's the same exact thing. History really does circle around and bite it's own tail. How profound? How stupid.
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